Fun Sized

Today my office is empty. The PPC specialist no longer works here. Joel is on vacation.
Sooooooooo – it’s me.
Lights off, headphones on, door closed.
I’m pretending I’m an executive at some big headquarters office, let’s say Coca-Cola.

And then I hear the candy dish fill up. And I immediately have to walk over and look at it.
Nothing shiny, thank god. Only the leftovers from downstairs. The forgotten jolly ranchers and starbursts and werther’s knock-offs.
I can walk by the candy dish all day long, but the second I see a twix wrapper or a 3 musketeers or a York Peppermint Patty wrapper, I come unglued. I have to take one, no two, well, I’ll eat one and put two away for later…

And while we’re on the subject. What the fuck is “fun sized”. I heart Snickers. I do. Frozen, Fried, however I can get ‘em, I heart snickers. But I heart – “Fun Sized”.

It’s not fun sized. It’s “just big enough to piss you off” size. Nothing little should be called Fun Sized. Fun sized is a foot long snickers bar. THAT is fun sized. I feel guilty eating 4 fun sized snickers just to feel half satisfied.

I know I don’t have a 7″ member. I don’t go around calling it fun sized. No. That would be misleading.

I say – “I’m big in Asia!”